eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
