we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
