Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ladies don't puke and tell
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
