the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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