The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
