If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
