I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
