all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
