areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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