I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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