mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
