remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
