Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
