dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
