It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
