shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
