Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
