8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
