But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
MIDGETS
????
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
