Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
