haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
