You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
