it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
