You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
