Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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