i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize