kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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