I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
