Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
