1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
