i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
