Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
