so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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