Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
