He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
