you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
