Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
