look no pants
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
