you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
