I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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