i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
