I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
