Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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