he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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