Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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