man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
