i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
