if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
