took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize