our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
