He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
