OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
