I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
