I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
