I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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