P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
