Don't you send me to vm
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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