Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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