put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
