yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
