'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
