he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
