It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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