she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
