p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
