I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
