At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
