even my farts smell like vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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