Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
