we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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