those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
