nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
