he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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