I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize